I sometimes hate myself for the way I started my marriage.

I look at the picture above and I see a kid who had no idea what it meant to be a husband.

No thought given to the responsibility.

No understanding of what it means to honor someone other than himself.

Just a young man doing what felt good, assuming life would keep feeling good on its own.

I’d been dating Angie for four years when I proposed.

No one had ever made me feel the way she did. I was at ease around her — comfortable to be myself. She believed in me.

The relationship felt good for me.

And marriage seemed like the next logical step — something you’re supposed to do.

So I proposed.

But only on the basis of how she made me feel.

I never considered her needs.
I never considered my responsibilities to her.
I never considered the future.

I didn’t understand that a relationship was a two way street.

Somewhere between getting engaged and getting married, I quit my job to start a training business.

In other words, I began my season as a provider with no stable income.

Look, I can’t exactly say I regret it — entrepreneurship has shaped me more than any other endeavor.

But looking back, it was also a reflection of how I approached life at the time:

chasing meaning, without yet understanding responsibility.

I can’t rewrite that version of me.
But I can do two things with him:

1. Accept him.

2. Learn from him.

And those lessons have become something of a framework for how I think about a meaningful life.

The Three Questions That Define a Life of Meaning

As men, we’re constantly asked to provide, to produce, to lead.
But beneath all that, I’ve found that a meaningful life can be measured by three questions:

1. Was I a good person?

2. Did I contribute something meaningful?

3. Who did I love, and who loved me?

Each one represents a relationship — with yourself, with the world, and with others.

When those relationships are aligned, life feels coherent.
When they’re not, life feels fractured.

Relationship With Yourself — “Was I a Good Person?”

This is where it all starts.

Figure your own shit out first.

Know who you are. What you value. What you stand for.

This isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being honest.

If you don’t have a solid relationship with yourself, every other relationship will feel unstable.

Relationship With the World — “Did I Contribute Something Meaningful?”

Once you know who you are, you have to put that identity into motion.

Walk your path.
Do the work.
Get feedback from the world.

You don’t have to have “made it” — but you do need traction toward something meaningful.

Contribution gives your identity purpose.

It’s how you prove that your values matter outside your own head.

Relationship With Others — “Who Did I Love, and Who Loved Me?”

When your relationship with yourself is grounded,
and your relationship with the world is active,
you can finally show up fully for others.

That’s when love — real love rooted in service — becomes possible.

Not the kind that’s rooted in need or validation,
but the kind that grows from shared respect and understanding.

The Cycle Never Ends

Here’s the part I wish I understood earlier: this isn’t a straight line.

It’s a cycle.

As we grow and change, we’re called to refine each of these relationships again and again.

We evolve, and need to redefine and reshape our identities.

We need to recalibrate our direction in the world.

We can then communicate those changes to the people we love.

And if we do it well, each cycle makes our lives — and our relationships — a little more meaningful.

Closing Thought

Meaning isn’t something you find once and hold onto forever.

It’s something you build — and rebuild — through these three relationships.

You face yourself honestly.
You contribute something that matters.
You love deeply, and let yourself be loved in return.

Then life gets messy, you change, and the process starts all over again.

That’s not failure.
That’s growth.
That’s what makes life mean something.

Much Love,

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t ready to be an adult.  When I got out of college, I was lost.

I had no purpose.  No direction.  And no real skills either.

I bounced around entry level corporate jobs, but I’d always end up quitting. 

It’s hard describe how those jobs felt…it was like my soul was being crushed every day.  They were all dead end jobs, there was no path to victory…just wasted time.

And wasted time is wasted life.

I’d work a job until the weight of knowing that I was wasting my life away got too heavy and I’d just …quit. 

And float around until the next bullshit “opportunity” came my way.

And then the financial crisis of 2008 happened, and I, a 25 year manchild with no real skills and no traction in his career, was left more hopeless than ever.

So I started working odd jobs to make money.

And I took the first steps towards my fitness career…I bought an at home study guide to become a Certified Strength and Conditioning specialist.

And that changed something in me.  Cracking that text book open, watching the courses DVDs (lol…dating myself there)..it made me feel alive.

I actually looked forward to studying…something I had never experienced in school.

I had a path.  A purpose…I was going to throw myself into this career and become EXCELLENT at it.

I had never felt a fire like this before.

But here’s the thing- I had to make up for lost time.

I would hire coaches and trainers to write my workout programs.  I wanted to experience what it felt like from a client perspective to work with the best.  I wanted to see how they put the pieces together.

And in 2009, I took a massive jump…I paid $3k tuition (on a credit card, naturally) and went up to Madison, WI for a week (hotel and food on that same credit card) to take a course with a coach I respected. 

This financial decision was against everything I’d ever been taught about money.

I didn’t have the income to pay the balance off right away, I was going to get charged interest (gasp!)

I felt the guilt of “immediate gratification” when I had been taught to save up first before buying.

Put another way…I couldn’t afford it.

But also- I couldn’t afford NOT to do it. 

I was on a path.  I could see, VIVIDLY, in my mind who I wanted to become, what I wanted to accomplish, what it would take to get there…

And I couldn’t spend another day NOT sprinting down that path.

This wasn’t a one and done either.

I kept my living expenses low (a $900 apartment and 10 year old Honda accord) so that I could continue to take courses, join mastermind groups, and travel the country learning from the best minds in my field.

I was spending money to accelerate learning.  I was buying TIME.

Many people in my life didn’t understand this, and I was often told that I was “bad with money.”

I and understand the well meaning concerns of those closest in my life…but also…I felt something else.

Even if my decisions didn’t make a ton of sense to Dave Ramsey, they made a ton of sense to me.

And years later, one of those mentors who I paid money to and traveled to learn from, was able to put words to it.

In a “traditional” sense- money is the only currency.  And so, you spend as little as you can for what you need, and hold on to as much as possible.

But Dan Nicholson saw it another way- 

He taught me that there are 5 Currencies-

Time

Impact

Money

Energy

Relationship

And we can trade one currency for another. The most common way is to trade Time for Money, as in “I work for $X/hour.”  It’s simple and straight forward, but there are other ways to exchange currency.

 I can give my TIME to curate a RELATIONSHIP.

I can spend my ENERGY to have an IMPACT.

And so what I realize now is that yes, I tend to be a little looser with Money than convention says we’re supposed to be.

But man, at that time in my life…my mid twenties especially…I was buying something that it’s hard to put a price tag on…

I was ENERGIZED by learning and taking courses, by meeting people, by growing.  

I built relationships with mentors and colleagues that last till this day.

I obtained the skillsets to have an impact on my clients.  I learned how to run a business, which impacted my family.

But more than anything, I bought back time.  Once I knew who I wanted to be, what I wanted to accomplish…

once I had a path to walk…a challenge to sink my teeth into…

I couldn’t sit on the sidelines and wait for everything to be perfect.  

I had to get into the game IMMEDIATELY.

It’s been awhile since I’ve thought about those days in my twenties where I felt completely lost, but for whatever reason it was on my heart today.

If there’s something in your life that you’re waiting for the “right time” to jump in on…let this be your nudge. 

There won’t be a perfect time.  Life won’t settle down.  

Every day spent NOT pursuing the person you were meant to become is day you can’t get back.

Go get in the game.

Much Love,

In 2008, I discovered kettlebells — and more importantly, their charismatic leader, Pavel Tsatsouline.
Pavel cast a vision of strength and masculinity that was gritty, minimal, and hardcore.

Something in that called out to me.

It was the opposite of the mainstream fitness industry — it felt so raw and genuine.

I was hooked.

I took Pavel’s certifications.
Opened a gym teaching his methods.
Eventually began assisting at his workshops.

He was a strong leader — classy, humble, charismatic.

And like most young coaches in that world, I tried to emulate him.

I wanted to be him.

Everyone in that community did.

The Blind Spot of Belonging

The problem was, that system of training delivered a very specific result.

If you’re not familiar with the “hardstyle” kettlebell era — it was rooted in minimalist strength.

Few exercises. Heavy weights. Short, brutally efficient sessions.

You learned the swing, the get-up, the clean and press, the snatch, the squat.

That’s it.

No machines, no mirrors, no bodybuilding fluff.

Just iron, chalk, and tension.

It taught posture, breathing, and core-bracing better than anything I’d seen.

It built coordination, grip, and resilience.

It made average people feel like they were doing something hardcore.

And for beginners, it was pure gold.

You got strong enough.

Athletic enough.

It gave you the physical capacity to go live an active, capable life.

But there was a ceiling.

Once you mastered the technique, progress slowed.

To keep getting stronger or more conditioned using only kettlebells, the sessions had to get longer, heavier, and more brutal — while the returns got smaller.

They were the right tool for building a foundation of movement and everyday strength.

But to go beyond intermediate — to build real muscle, advanced strength, any form of endurance — you needed other tools.

Barbells are king for strength.

Zone 2 cardio (impossible to do well with kettlebells) is king for aerobic development.

And while swings and cleans teach power, true athleticism needs plyometrics and 3D movement — things that kettlebells just can’t provide.

And when it came to physique?

The effort-to-reward ratio wasn’t even close.

Barbells, dumbbells, and machines were simply better suited for building muscle.

I mean, you can pull out a screw with a butter knife… but at the end of the day, a screwdriver gets the job done faster and more effectively.

Still, I stayed in it for years because of what that community gave me: identity.

It made me feel like I belonged.

And belonging can be intoxicating — especially when you’re still trying to figure out who you are.

In that circle, we made fun of people who tracked their food.

We mocked anyone who trained for aesthetics or did cardio.

We believed we were the “real” coaches — above all that vanity and fluff.

So even though I secretly wanted to be jacked, strong as an ox, and able to run all day…

I suppressed that part of me.

I told myself I was being a “good student,” when really, I was just afraid of being judged.

The Moment Everything Shifted

Fifteen years of lifting.

Ten years of kettlebells.

And one quiet realization that changed everything:

I wasn’t having fun.

Somewhere along the line, training stopped being play and became performance.

Not performance for myself — but for an organization, a title, a tribe.

I was always trainign for the next certification.

I was tired of earning validation I no longer needed.

From that moment on, I promised myself:

if it doesn’t serve my goals or make me enjoy the process, it doesn’t get my energy.

The Lesson Hidden in the Detour

Looking back, I can see how easy it is to let loyalty handicap your growth.

To stay in a tribe because it feels safe, not because it’s helping you evolve.

For a while, I felt like I’d wasted a decade chasing someone else’s standards.

But now, I see it differently.

That chapter taught me the most valuable lesson of all:

When you play someone else’s game, you’ll always lose by their rules.

But when you play your own game, you get to make your own.

What That Means Today

My training doesn’t look like anyone else’s — and neither does my business, my marriage, or my friendships.

Because the moment I stopped performing for someone else’s definition of success, everything in my life began to feel lighter.

More aligned.

More mine.

If there’s a takeaway here, it’s this:

Your heroes can inspire you.

But if you don’t outgrow them, they’ll quietly define you.

The work of adulthood — and mastery — is learning to carry the best lessons from your mentors without surrendering your own vision.

Maturity isn’t about rejecting your mentors. It’s about finally becoming one by carving out your own path and equipping others to do the same.

Much Love,

Men like us refuse to be one-dimensional.

We want the whole damn package:

• Strong as an Ox

• Built like an action hero

• A Gas Tank that never quits

But somewhere along the way, fitness culture convinced us that we have to choose:

“If you build muscle, you’ll gas out.”
“If you train cardio, you’ll shrink.”
“If you chase strength, you’ll lose mobility.”

So we try to solve the problem by doing more…

…and end up stuck doing everything at once and progressing in nothing.

Because when you chase progress in every direction at once?

You water down every effort.

That’s the real problem.

How Men Stay Stuck

When a man finally decides to take his training seriously, he usually falls into one of two traps:

Trap #1 — The Everything At Once Approach

3 Days of Heavy Lifts for strength.
2 Days dedicated to building muscle.
Running twice a week.
Mobility. Conditioning. Stretching. Skill work.

The Result:
Lots of effort…and no results to show for it.

Trap #2 — The Specialist Trap

You double down where you’re already comfortable:

Only lifting.
Only running.
Only what’s familiar.

The Result:
You become solid in one dimension… while everything else quietly erodes.

Both paths are hard work.

Neither path gets you the capable body you actually want.

The Principle That Changes Everything

It takes a LOT more energy to GAIN a physical quality than it does to MAINTAIN it.

This is the cheat code no one talks about.

Let’s make it concrete:

Physical Quality

To Build It

To Maintain It

Muscle Size

10–20 sets/week per muscle (4–6 hrs)

5–8 sets/week (~1 hr)

Strength

2–3 heavy skills days

1 focused session

Endurance

3–4 hrs Zone 2

~60 min

When you spread your time and energy across everything equally…

You’re never giving enough to significantly improve anything.

But if you give one quality the attention it requires to grow…

…and simply maintain the others…

You unlock continuous, compounding progress.

The Strategy

You rotate through seasons of focus — typically 8 to 16 weeks:

• One main focus

• Two maintenance qualities

• Repeat

Suddenly:

• You build muscle without losing endurance

• You grow your engine without shrinking

• You get stronger without losing your physique

Your body becomes capable in every direction — just not all in the same month.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

Season 1 — Aesthetics / Muscle

• High-volume hypertrophy work (moderate weights, higher reps, LOTS of sets)

• Strength is Maintained through the lifting you’re doing for muscle building

• Maintain endurance with 1–2 easy aerobic zone runs

→ More visible muscle, same conditioning

Season 2 — Strength & Athleticism

• Heavier lifts, power work, jumps

• Muscle Mass is maintained through the Heavier Lifts that you’re doing for strength

• One Zone 2 session

→ Stronger, more explosive — while still filling out your t-shirts

Season 3 — Endurance / Engine

• Zone 2 + light speed work 3-4 Times/Week

• Lifting 2x/week will maintain both strength and size

→ Bigger engine — without losing size or strength

The Big Idea

You can’t drive several traits forward at the same exact time.

But you can drive one…
while keeping the others exactly where you want them.

A few focused seasons a year and you’ve:

1. Gained muscle

2. Improved strength & power

3. Built an bigger gas tank
   
   Zoom out and look at the year?

You’re progressing in every direction.

To the outside world, it looks like you’re “doing it all.”

The truth is far simpler:

You’re doing one thing very well…
while never losing what you’ve already earned.

That’s how real, lasting progress happens.

What this unlocks

Progress becomes predictable.
Results compound.
Your training supports your life — instead of consuming it.

You become physically capable of anything you want to say yes to.

And that’s the point.

Much love,

What Is Performance, Anyway?

We all know that guy chasing some athletic dream that… doesn’t really make sense anymore.

The dude who’s still trying to prove something in CrossFit, powerlifting, jiu-jitsu, or some new endurance sport.

Or maybe he just got inspired by a Navy SEAL workout on Instagram and decided that’s the way. (I just strained my eye rolling muscle typing that)

You watch him train like his life depends on it — only to end up injured, overtrained, or constantly frustrated that he’s not getting anywhere.

And yet… there’s a reason guys like us get drawn to that.

We want to perform.

But what does that even mean anymore?

What Is Performance, Anyway?

When we’re younger, performance is easy to define.
It’s numbers :

Two plates on the bench.
Three on the squat.
Four on the deadlift.
A sub-25-minute 5K.
Maybe a few extra notches on the belt or a few less on the waistline.

You chase those metrics because they’re clear.

They tell you exactly where you stand — stronger, faster, better than before.

But somewhere along the way, that definition stops serving us.

You start realizing that performance isn’t about competition anymore.

It’s about confidence — the quiet trust that your body will show up when you need it to.

Real performance means you can:

• Move well — you’ve got the athleticism to land, cut, jump, or react without feeling fragile.

• Endure — your engine doesn’t quit when life gets demanding.

• Stay strong — not to chase numbers, but to get the job done and keep yourself safe.

Put simply, performance is the trust that your body can complete the task — without breaking down.

And that’s where most guys get lost.

Because if your performance training constantly leaves you hurting, tired, or too sore to play with your kids… it’s not performance anymore.

It’s a dude who is letting his ego define his priorities.

The Two Perspectives

Most guys fall into one of two camps when it comes to performance.

1. The Overachiever

He’s the guy who takes a “performance hobby” way too seriously.

He trains like he’s going to war- and yes, I’ve actually had accountants and tech sales guys tell me that the gym is where they “go to war.”

Easy, soldier.

Don’t get me wrong, the drive is admirable. But if every ache turns into an injury and every workout leaves him smoked, that’s not discipline anymore — that’s disconnection.
He’s not performing; he’s punishing himself for not being who he used to be.

And sometimes, that grind isn’t even about training — it’s about escaping.

Because training hard is simple.

You show up, you suffer, you win the day.

But emotional growth? Leading your family? Facing uncertainty in your business or your marriage?

That’s messy. 

There’s no scoreboard. No PRs. No clear rules.

So a lot of men pour all their energy into the gym because it feels controllable — a place where effort equals reward.

It’s not that the training itself is bad. It’s that it becomes a distraction from the real work — the kind that requires reflection, humility, and courage outside the weight room.

And to be clear — there’s nothing wrong with hard training.

I love it.

I still train jiu-jitsu regularly.

I run trail races.

I get the pull toward challenge and intensity — it keeps you sharp and humble.

Those pursuits are incredible teachers… when you approach them with the right mindset.

But how you approach them has to evolve.

You can’t go at 100% intensity all the time and expect your body—or your life—to hold up.

The question isn’t whether you should push—it’s why, when, and how you do it.

2. The Opt-Out

Then there’s the other side — the guy who’s written himself out of the game.

“I’m not an athlete anymore,” he says. “I’ve got real responsibilities now.”

He tells himself that training is selfish — that his time is better spent working, providing, or taking care of his family.

And on the surface, that sounds noble.

But it’s a lie.

Because the truth is, he’s not rejecting fitness out of duty — he’s avoiding the discomfort of effort.

He’s hiding behind busyness.

It’s easier to tell yourself that you don’t have time than to admit you’ve stopped challenging yourself.

And while that logic might buy him time now, it costs him in the long run — in energy, confidence, and capability.

He’s not saving time for his family; he’s slowly becoming a version of himself that can’t fully show up for them.

Both guys are missing the point.

Performance isn’t about chasing the edge or avoiding it — it’s about learning to live at the edge that serves you.

Redefining Performance in Your 30s and 40s

At this stage of life, performance has to mean something different.

You’re not chasing trophies anymore — you’re chasing reliability.

You want to be strong enough to handle what life throws at you, fit enough to keep up with your kids, and capable enough to take pride in how you move through the world.

That’s the kind of performance that matters now — not measured in PRs or race times, but in trust.

Trust that your body won’t quit on you.

Trust that you can dig deep when it counts.

Trust that you can push hard without breaking yourself down.

Performance isn’t the goal — it’s the byproduct of living in alignment.

Training should build capacity, not debt.

It should sharpen your edge, not dull your spirit.

It should help you perform your duties — as a father, a husband, a leader — not distract you from them.

Because when you redefine performance this way, you realize something powerful:

The gym isn’t your proving ground anymore.

It’s your practice ground — the place where you rehearse being the kind of man who shows up strong, steady, and ready.

The Big Idea

Performance in your 30s and 40s isn’t about chasing the edge.

It’s about owning it.

It’s not about proving how much you can suffer — it’s about building a body and mind that can deliver when it matters.

You don’t need to train like a Navy SEAL.
(Really. Please. Don’t.)

You need to train like a man who has nothing to prove to anyone else — because his priorities are in order and he’s playing his own game.

That’s what real performance looks like.

A man who knows what matters, invests in it fully, and lets the rest fall away.

Because when you stop chasing validation and start training from alignment, everything changes.

Your effort becomes more focused.

Your results become more meaningful.

And your body becomes an expression of your clarity, not your insecurity.

The real test of performance isn’t a race or a max lift.

It’s whether your training gives more than it takes.

When your workouts start serving your life — instead of your life serving your workouts — that’s when you finally get it.

That’s real performance.

What’s Next

I’m running a small beta group for a new performance-focused program — built around this exact philosophy.
It’s designed for men who want to train hard and live well — to build strength, endurance, and athleticism without burning out or checking out.

The program can be done from anywhere in the country, but for this first round, I’m only accepting guys who already have some experience in the gym — intermediate level or above.

If you’re interested, reply to this email and I’ll share a quick form to see if it’s a good fit.

No pressure — just a conversation to make sure it aligns with where you’re at and what you want next.

Much love,

Through 15 years as a fitness coach, I’ve been asked constantly about all of the latest stuff that’s out there on the market.

-Can peptides make me more jacked?
-Is X, Y, Z supplement effective?
-Do I need to be on TRT to see gains?

Look — these aren’t bad questions.

But you don’t need answers from me.

What you need is a better decision-making process — one that helps you come up with your own answers.

The Trap of “When/Then” Thinking

Most of the decision-making I see is built on a When/Then paradigm:

WHEN I achieve X, THEN I’ll be happy, feel confident, feel successful.

In fitness, it’s arbitrary.

People think losing 10 pounds of fat or adding 5 pounds of muscle is going to solve all of their confidence issues.

For years, I helped people reach those outcomes… only to find that hitting the goal rarely created any lasting change in their mental state.

They’d achieve the goal — and still feel miserable.

Here’s why:

They’re using the When/Then paradigm.

But because of how our brains are wired…
The then never shows up.

That’s moving goalpost syndrome.

Enter: The Hedonistic Treadmill

This is called hedonistic adaptation.

When we achieve a goal — or get a new car, or a new house — we feel a temporary spike in happiness.

Then our happiness levels return to normal.

Our “new life” becomes our new baseline.

And we’re left at the start again…

Back in the When/Then loop — thinking the next goal will finally make us happy for good.

Of course, it doesn’t.

And so we’re stuck on the Hedonistic Treadmill — always chasing.

The Shift: From Happiness to Fulfillment

This is why I don’t put too much stock in goals or happiness anymore.

Instead, I chase Fulfillment and Peace.

Happiness is fleeting.

The thrill of achievement is short-lived.

But Fulfillment and Peace are like a snowball rolling downhill —
They swell and grow after you unleash them.

Fulfillment comes from aligning your actions with who you believe yourself to be at your core.

In other words — it’s about what you do day in and day out,
Not what you accomplish.

That creates a durable sense of internal peace — one not dependent on external achievement.

The Energy Behind the Work

Whether you’re chasing goals or seeking fulfillment, the behavior might look the same from the outside.

You still set your sights, make a plan, and show up day after day.

But the energy behind it?

Completely different.

• Chasing energy is exhausting. It leads to burnout and frustration.
  

• Alignment energy is renewable. When your actions match your identity, motivation becomes natural.

  
  Showing up feels like flow, not grind.

3 Shifts to Move from Chasing → Alignment

1. Goal Achievement → Continued Growth
Goal achievement says: You must accomplish X before you can feel good.

Fulfillment says: Growth is who I am.
Achievement becomes a byproduct — a milestone of progress, not a trophy to chase.

2. Novelty → Depth
When we chase happiness, we chase novelty — new hacks, new toys, new dopamine hits.

But Fulfillment is found in mastery — sticking with the “boring” stuff long enough to embody it.

Depth > novelty. Repetition builds identity.

3. External Validation → Internal Reinforcement
External achievements feel good, sure. But they surrender your locus of control to something external.

Shift inward. Let your reward be the act itself.
Every rep, every choice, every promise kept says:

I am the man I say I am. My word means something. I keep my promises.

(Because how can we keep promises to others if we can’t keep them to ourselves?)

So… Should You Do Peptides, TRT, or Supplements?

I dunno, man. That depends.

If you think they’re “the answer” — the magic fix for your confidence,

Or a shortcut to getting jacked without doing the work —
You’re gonna be disappointed.

But…

If you’ve got a clear picture of who you want to grow into,
You’ve laid the foundation,
And you’ve started walking that path —
Then yeah, those might be good tools.

Because it’s not the answer that matters —
It’s the decision-making behind it that makes all the difference.

If This Hit Home…

Let me know. I’d love to hear more about what alignment means to you. Feel free to reply to this email…I read every single reply.

Much Love,

“A successful marriage is built on compromise.”

That’s the kind of advice people love to give newlyweds.

It sounds right. It makes sense.

But, man… this is terrible advice.

Compromise seems reasonable — like something all humans have to do to get along.

But dude…

I never compromise.

And I’m not saying that to sound tough.

I’m saying it because it’s smart.

Here’s why:

When two people compromise, neither one gets what they want.

You both lose.

Why would I build a marriage, a business, or a friendship on a foundation where nobody wins?

That’s insanity.

Alignment > Compromise

Here’s what I do instead:

I get clear on what actually matters — to me and to my wife.
Then we make decisions based on alignment, not compromise.

If I want steak and she wants sushi, compromise isn’t meeting in the middle for pizza.

It’s understanding that date night is about connection for me and experience for her.

So, we go where she wants — and I still have a great time.

That’s not compromise.

That’s clarity.

So why am I talking about marriage in a fitness newsletter?

Because most people treat their goals the same way.
They compromise — instead of getting clear.

They want to be jacked, strong, athletic and healthy…
…but they don’t want to train more than three times per week.
…or spend more than half an hour at the gym.
…or track food intake.

They compromise their effort without adjusting their expectations —

and then they’re frustrated when the results don’t match.

That’s the same as going to McDonalds and being disappointe that you didn’t get a ribeye.

The Reality Check

Every week, I talk to guys who tell me they want to be jacked, athletic, and lean.

They want visible muscle, better performance, and longevity.

But then they say…

• “I don’t really want to go to a gym.”

• “I’ve only got 45 minutes, three days a week.”

• “I’d rather just use dumbbells at home.”

That’s not a bad thing — it’s just a different thing.

You’re compromising the process but keeping the expectation the same.

You’re asking for steak and sushi while only willing to pay for pizza.

That’s the trap.

If you’re going to make tradeoffs, make them consciously.

Don’t compromise and call it clarity.

Get honest about what you’re willing to give — and what that means you’ll get.

That’s not defeat. That’s alignment.

The Framework

What I’m encouraging you to do is:

 Adjust your expectations to match reality — to avoid disappointment.
Maximize your effort within your constraints.
Remove constraints over time.

Let me show you what that actually looks like.

Let’s say you’re a dad in your 30s or 40s. You want to:

• Drop some fat

• Build a muscle

• And not feel smoked all the time.

But here’s the truth — you’ve only got 45 minutes, three days a week, and you’re training at home with limited equipment.

That’s your constraint.

So here’s how you apply the framework:

• Adjust your expectations:
  You’re not going to add significant muscle this year…
  But you can build a strong, athletic physique that looks great in a T-shirt.

• Maximize your effort within those limits:
  Make every set count- you’ve got to be trainign with intensity, looking to add weight or reps every month.

• Get LOTS of sets- Volume is what will drive your muscle growth
  

• Track your weights, so that you can bring intent to every session.
  
  And since your training time is limited, you need to amplify it with nutrition.
  
  Track your food. Hit your protein goal to facilitate muscle growth or retention. Stay in a calorie deficit to lose fat.
  
  You can’t afford to “wing it” and hope it works out — not when every rep and every meal matters this much.

• Remove constraints over time:
  Maybe six months from now, you upgrade your home setup — add a barbell or cable stack.
  Or you carve out one more training day.
  Or you start going to a commercial gym on the weekends.

That’s not compromise.

That’s clarity.
You’re playing the hand you’ve got — and stacking the deck over time.

You don’t need to overhaul your life — you need a plan that respects it.

I help guys build muscle, strength, and confidence within the time they actually have — not the fantasy they wish they had.
No compromise. Just clarity.

If you want help putting the your program together, reply to this email and I’ll fill you in on what my program design services looks like.

Much love,

PS- I’ve laid out these principles in far more detail in my book. If you don’t have it already, I highly recommend. And yes, I might be biased, but both my wife and my mom said it’s a really good book.

The Irony of Competitiveness

In Western culture, competitiveness is often tied directly to masculinity. Men have always had to compete—first for resources and survival, and later in sports, business, and for social status.

On the surface, being competitive looks like strength. But here’s the irony: hyper-competitiveness is one of the loudest signs of insecurity.

When a man has to prove he’s “the best” at everything, all anyone else can see is his clear lack of confidence.

Why Competitiveness Still Matters

That doesn’t mean competitiveness is bad. Our survival has always depended on it. Drive and ambition are desirable traits in a man because they signal he can provide, protect, and push forward.

But, like most things, the cultural pendulum swings too far. Many men take their competitive nature past the point of serving them.

Instead of being a source of growth, it becomes performative. Instead of building them up, it keeps them small.

The Trap of Winning at All Costs

If you only compete in arenas where you’re already strong—if you never put yourself in a position to lose, to be new, to suck at something—you cut yourself off from growth.

Worse, you drain your confidence.

Confidence doesn’t come from winning.

Confidence comes from knowing that you’ll be alright if things don’t go your way.

It comes from knowing you’ve prepared, shown up, and grown along the way.

If you’ve created a plan, executed that plan, and stuck with the process, you can be at peace letting the chips fall where they may.

Because here’s the truth: most of the time, things won’t go your way. 

You’ll lose more often than you win.

If your self-worth is tied to being on top all the time, you set yourself up for jealousy, resentment, and disappointment.

And so, many men shrink. 

They play small in business. 

They avoid new skills or hobbies. 

They never surround themselves with men who challenge them to grow. 

Because deep down, they fear what happens if they’re out of their depth.

Jiu Jitsu Story

I see this all the time when the dad group starts talking about jiu jitsu.

The guys who train know how humbling it is. They know you’re going to show up and lose—a lot—for years. And every one of them who sticks with it is glad they went through it. Not because they never get submitted anymore, but because they realize that getting tapped out isn’t a big deal at all.

Then there are the guys on the other side of the conversation. They want to get on the mats, but their ego won’t let them. The thought of putting on a white belt and being the new guy feels like too much of a status drop.

The irony is this: the status you think you’ll lose is already gone if you’re too scared to play.

Growth only happens on the mat.

The sidelines offer nothing.

And look, I know not everyone cares about jiu jitsu—but the point is the same.

If your ego keeps you from being a beginner, you’ll never grow at anything.

The sidelines are always a lower status position than actually being in the game.

Losing Is the Path to Winning

Here’s the paradox: losing is actually the path to winning.

In order to be good at anything, you have to first suck at it. If you can allow yourself to be bad without harsh judgment, you give yourself the chance to get reps in—and eventually get good.

But if you never allow yourself to be a beginner, you’ll never experience mastery.

Whose Scoreboard Are You Playing On?

Whose scoreboard are you really playing on?

Getting good at anything requires growth—and growth means pain, effort, and awkwardness. If you’re stuck, it’s usually because that pain isn’t connected to a scoreboard that matters to you.

Most men get trapped in competitive purgatory. They cling to what they already know, avoid the discomfort of starting fresh, and accept someone else’s definition of winning.

Define your own scoreboard and everything changes. The fear of losing fades. The awkwardness of growth becomes the price of admission.

The pain of growth is a small price to pay in order to become the man capable of living your vision.

The Bigger Picture: Defining Your Vision

That’s why I start all of my clients with vision work. If you’re clear on WHO you want to grow into, and WHAT your idealized life looks like, you stop chasing someone else’s scoreboard.

Getting in shape, for example, can feel like a pain in the ass—learning new skills, carving time in your schedule, feeling uncomfortable. But if those actions are tied to a bigger vision, they stop being roadblocks. They become the building blocks of the life you actually want.

And when you’re playing your own game, your confidence soars—not because you’re always winning, but because you’re always growing.

The real game isn’t proving you’re the best—it’s becoming the man capable of living your vision.

And that’s the only scoreboard that matters.

Much Love,

Everyone wants the one answer.

The magic exercise.

The perfect diet rule.
The thing you can focus on while ignoring everything else.

Wouldn’t that clarity be nice?

Let me tell you...there are a lot of different opinions. There are a lot of contradicting views on this. And it's one of the most common questions I get asked.

Here’s the problem: there is no universal “best.”
Whenever we ask “what’s most important?” we’re asking the wrong question.

Because the answer is always: it depends.

The context is you—your goals, your current situation, your priorities.

Clarity comes from breaking the paradigm: there is no universal best. The habit we need is looking at the outcome we want and focusing on what truly drives it.

The Framework

1. Get Clear on What You Want

Details matter. My training always circles back to four outcomes:

• Put on muscle

• Get stronger

• Improve run times

• Maintain athletic ability (jump, sprint, play without blowing something out)

Your outcome might look different. But you have to name it.

2. Know Where You’re At

Ask: what’s the next step?

• Education — Do I need more knowledge?

• Skill — Do I need a new ability?

• Execution — Do I just need to do the thing?

• Trending — If I’m executing, am I actually moving in the right direction?

3. Identify What Moves the Needle

Every outcome has a primary driver:

• Muscle growth → 10+ hard sets per muscle group, per week

• Strength → add weight to the bar (lower volume, higher intensity)

• Running speed → ~2 hrs/week of easy miles + intervals (race pace or repeats)

• Athleticism → mobility + stability + tendon strength + explosive power

4. Put It Together

When you’re setting priorities, here’s something most people miss:

It takes more effort to change a system than it does to maintain it.

What does that mean for you?

It means you can’t go all-out on every quality at once. Building muscle, building endurance, improving strength, and moving athletically all matter—but if you try to push all four at the same time, you’ll burn out.

So instead, the smart move is to pick 1–2 areas to build while keeping the others in maintenance mode. That way, you’re putting your energy where it creates real change, while still holding onto everything else you’ve already earned.

Picture This

You show up to the gym or hit the trail with absolute clarity about what you’re going to do.

You know today’s session will move you closer to the outcome you want.

No fluff. No wasted effort. Just training that builds confidence, resilience, and results.

Isn’t that what we all want?

The confidence to know our effort is actually moving us closer to what we want.

That’s what asking the right questions gives us: clarity to attack what matters most—and peace in letting go of what doesn’t.

So remember:

There’s no universal “most important.”
There’s your goal, and the best practices to get you there.

Get clear on the outcome → Build the plan → Engage the process.

Much love,

PS – Want me to help put this together for your own workouts?
Reply to this email and I’ll send you details about my program design service. We’ll cut the fluff and build a plan that actually moves the needle.

Man #1 – The Easy-Energy Dad
He’s clearly strong—broad shoulders, fit frame—athletically lean but not shredded. He’s laughing with his kids, eating the burgers that he’s grilling for everyone, joking with friends and having a beer or two.

His energy is relaxed, inviting, magnetic.

People like being near him because he makes them feel lighter.

Man #2 – The Jacked Pool Guy
Every ab is visible. Veins pop out of his arms. His tan is flawless, his trunks designer, his look curated to perfection.

He’s got the kind of physique most men secretly envy.

Yet, he’s by himself. His energy says “Look at me, validate me.”

People feel like they’re being judged when they’re around him, they feel uncomfortable.

Even though his body is impressive, his presence is brittle, rigid, and a little off-putting.

His "discipline" has left him unable to be present in life, because all he can do is congratulate himself on how great he is for having so much willpower.

What It’s Really About

What you just noticed has nothing to do with abs or biceps.

It’s about energy.

We think a physique will automatically bring confidence and magnetism.

But in reality, it’s not the muscles—it’s the energy behind the muscles that people feel.

The Big Problem – If/Then Thinking

Most men fall into the trap of If/Then Thinking:

“If I get to 10% bodyfat…then I’ll feel confident.”

“If I can deadlift 500…then I’ll finally feel strong.”

And we apply this IF/THEN thinking to other areas of life too…

“When I make X amount of money…then I’ll be respected.”

The reality?

When you hit one goal, the goalposts move.

There’s always a new standard.

You never give yourself permission to feel confident.

And so you radiate chasing energy—the vibe of a man who’s never enough.

Even if your body or income improves, your presence weakens.

People feel the insecurity behind the achievements.

What We’re Really After

Strip away the noise and what we’re all chasing comes down to two things:

Ease. The ability to simply exist without self-consciousness.

Magnetic presence. A vibe that makes people want to be near you.

And mind you, this can either spiral up or down.

I can set my own standards and live by them. Which causes me to release negative judgment of my perceived flaws, which allows me to release judgment of perceived flaws in others. Which makes me more magnetic, draws people in. Which then boosts my confidence and spirals me up.

Or I can spiral down. I live and die by external validation. I judge myself harshly, then judge others the same way. That energy pushes people away—so I chase validation even harder.

Here’s the deal—your physique can ABSOLUTELY be a strong addition to your presence, making you more magnetic.

But what matters (A LOT) more than the body fat percentage or deadlift numbers is the energy behind the physique.

If your jacked physique is built on insecurity, the energy it projects is needy, try-hard, and brittle.

And as a result—all your hard work in the gym actually detracts from your presence.

My Own Chase

I’ve lived this:

When I first started lifting, it was to get noticed. I just wanted to fill out my lanky frame: “If I can just hit 200lbs, I’ll be a beast.”

Then I hit 200lbs and thought—what good is being big if I’m not strong as an ox.

Then came 5 years chasing deadlifts, pull-ups, and the “Beast Tamer” kettlebell challenge (never did get that press).

After pursuing strength in the gym, I thought…what’s the point? Where is the application?

So I started jiu-jitsu, because having a huge deadlift and not knowing how to fight is lame.

Then I realized that I could barely finish a 5K. What’s the point in any strength or fighting ability if I have no gas tank? So I started running.

Every time I checked a box, another appeared. I was always chasing, never satisfied. My confidence was built on a moving target.

This is an exhausting way to live. Something had to give.

The Shift – Presence Over Physique

This is when I realized that I would never hit a deadlift number, 5K time or level of bodyfat that would allow me to finally just be confident.

My confidence was going to have to come from within.

And this is where we have to stretch our minds to accept that 2 things can be true at the same time:

Getting stronger and more muscular can build confidence.

But if your worth depends on those numbers, it erodes your presence. 

The confidence, the easy energy, the magnetism…

Comes from playing your own game, setting your own standards and keeping your word to yourself…and ultimately from being on the path of improvement…not necessarily the end result.

When you do this—energy behind the pursuit comes from a place of “Let’s see what I’m capable of”...which is uplifting and encouraging for others to be around.

If your pursuit comes from a place of “I need to do or be X in order to be good enough”—your “discipline” will just come off as self-flagellation and need for validation.

The difference between the two men at the pool wasn’t muscle mass. It was:

• Ease vs. tension

• Grounded confidence vs. validation seeking

• Integration vs. obsession

The Easy-Energy Dad isn’t worried about how he looks eating ice cream with his kids. He doesn’t need validation, because his standards come from within. His confidence is self-sustaining, which is exactly why people want to be around him.

The Takeaway

Here’s the truth: presence beats physique every time.

Yes, your body matters. But the energy behind it matters far more.

So ask yourself:

• Where am I postponing confidence until I “fix” something about myself?

• What vibe am I actually projecting when I walk into a room?

This week, stop waiting for the perfect body, the bigger paycheck, or the next achievement to give yourself permission to feel confident. Instead, practice presence: smile more, laugh easier, engage fully with the people around you.

Because what you process internally is what you project externally. And the world will always mirror it back to you.

In the end—it’s not the physique.
It’s the energy behind it.

Much love,

P.S. Coaching for the Whole Man

When I coach, we don’t just chase numbers in the gym. We look at your entire life—so you get both the physical transformation and the energetic upgrade.

If you’re ready for more than just workouts, hit reply and let’s talk.

The Most Uncomfortable Workout of My Life

The most uncomfortable workout I’ve ever done wasn’t a trail race in 105 degree Texas Heat.

It wasn’t a heavy squat day, or the day we we decided to do walking lunges all the way around the local high school track (I threw up).

It was a 50-minute blur of house music, random “core” exercises, and a trainer in a Britney Spears headset yelling at me.

My wife still says she’s never seen me look more miserable.

To set the stage, a colleague of mine had invited me to a fundraiser workout—one where you pay $50 and all the money goes to a local charity.

And so I went to support the cause, even if it meant doing a group class, which isn’t really my thing.

But when I walked in…I realized that it REALLY wasn’t my thing.

There was a DJ set up in the corner spinning house music. Heather, the instructor, was at the front of the room, headset mic blazing. I was one of 3 guys (out of like 40 people). I was NOT in my element.

This was a million miles from all the training I had ever done in my life. I’m introverted, I like to let my mind wander during workouts, I like to go at my own pace, focus on what I’m doing.

This wasn’t that.

The class was one of those blends of treadmill intervals and “floor work”—where you flop around on an aerobics box or “lift” tiny dumbbells.

The entire 50 minutes was a blur of noise, cheesy motivational sayings, random “core” exercises, and of course…sweat.

Maybe you’ve been there too—finding yourself in a workout where everyone else seems pumped, but you’re silently asking: what exactly is this doing for me?

What Makes a Workout “Great”?

Sure the workout was hard. And I think a lot of people who do these types of classes take pride in how hard the work is...and maybe even some satisfaction when "fit" dudes like me have a hard time with the class.

"See? I told you so! It's a great workout isn't it?"

I guess that comes down to what you consider a great workout.

Hard work is great, I guess.

But I'm inherently lazy.

I don't want to waste any effort.

If the outcome I was looking for was endorphins, sweat, or torching calories (and my dignity), then sure…this could have been considered a great workout.

But I workout for specific reasons...and I want to be able to draw a straight line from everything that I do in a workout to a desired outcome.

I know you’ve felt this too—walking out of a workout drenched in sweat but wondering: did I actually move closer to the results I want, or did I just get tired?

So what is a great workout?

For my purposes—a great workout is one that gets me closer to what I want with as little wasted effort as possible.

There will be effort.

Anything worthwhile requires that.

But a great workout will direct that effort in a focused manner, like a laser.

And that’s the thing—not only do we confuse ‘hard’ with ‘effective,’ we also drown in choices about what to do in the first place.

The Bigger Problem

And this creates a bit of a problem for us.

Because there are a million different exercises that we could be doing.

How do we choose which ones to do?

How do we know what matters?

And to make matters worse, there are all sorts of charlatans on the internet who are willing to lie about the benefits of their "unique" programs or make outlandish claims in order to convince us that they've stumbled on the latest "hack" or secret that promises us outsized returns.

So how do we cut through the clutter?

We need a framework.

If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by too many options—scrolling through workouts, reels, or programs and thinking “which of these actually matters?”—you’re not alone. This is the trap almost every guy falls into.

We have to start at the top and look at what we really, truly want...and then work downstream to figure out what will actually get us what we want.

What Men Really Want from Training

From the thousands of conversations that I've had with men over the years...I know that the essence of what they want boils down to:

Confidence

And that confidence comes from a presence that can only be found in the combination of looks and capability.  These guys want to be physically capable, never have their strength or endurance be a limiting factor in life....they want to be able to trust their bodies- no have the risk of injury become a liability.

And most importantly, they want to be a good role model for their kids- show them what a balanced, well adjusted individual looks like.

That’s a tall order...and in order to accomplish that we're going to need to be intentional.

If you’re a dad, you probably feel this tug too. You’re not training just for abs or PRs—you’re training to be the man your kids look up to, the one they know is capable, steady, and present.

From Theory to Practice

To bring this from theory to practice, these guys will need to focus on building muscle, getting stronger, building a base of endurance, and focus on being able to move athletically to make them more resilient and less injury prone.

So now I know that my workouts will have the following elements:

• Lifting weights (minimum 3 days per week)
  

• Endurance building (lots of easy zone 2, at that will have the greatest benefit while not interfering with our lifting)
  

• Athletic work- Joint mobility, core stability, and maintaining the bouncy qualities of muscle and tendons so that we can be explosive and athletic without being scared of tearing something.
  

As you can see- we're going to be really intentional about this program. Each session needs to feed the bigger picture.

The exact details about what this looks like for each individual are different- your strategy will reflect your life, your time budget, and which of the above goals need most attention right now.

In other words- many of the ingredients for an exercise program are Universal- but how you put them together in your own proprietary blend is unique.

If you have questions about how to put this together for you, respond to this email and let me know where you’re stuck. I’m happy to help you out.

The Big Benefits

The benefits of training with intention come down to two things:

Efficiency. Time and energy are your most valuable resources—especially as you hit your 40s. You can’t afford to waste them on random exercises. With a clear plan, every rep and every mile is an investment, not a guess. Your effort becomes a laser, not a shotgun blast.

Clarity. Nothing is more stressful than sweating through a workout and wondering if it even mattered. Clarity erases that doubt. You know what’s essential, what can wait, and when you need to course-correct. That mental freedom is as valuable as the physical progress—it lets you train with confidence instead of anxiety.

And that’s why that group class will always stick in my mind. Not because it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done—but because it was the clearest reminder that sweat and suffering don’t equal results. Intention does.

Train with focus, and you’ll not only save time and energy—you’ll actually get the outcomes you care about.

Much love,

P.S. I write programs for men all over the country who want to train with purpose, not just sweat. If you’re tired of guessing and want a plan that’s built for you, just hit reply to this email and tell me where you’re stuck.

The Quote That Exposes Our Blind Spot

"Most people overestimate what they can do in a year, and underestimate what they can do in a decade."

This quote from Bill Gates points to a fundamental error in human judgement — we are often looking at the wrong time frames.

We think that we can move mountains with short bursts of intense effort and completely dismiss the compound interest of consistent action over time.

Fitness is no different.

While Bill Gates was talking about business building, the same fundamental truth holds up for fitness, just with a different time line.

I’d say that when it comes to fitness, most people overestimate what they can do in a month and underestimate what they can do in a year.

The Fallacy of “All In”

Why is this though?

I see it all the time: it’s the fantasy of how “once things clear up, I’ll be able to go all in.”

We tell ourselves there’s no point in getting started now, because we wouldn’t be able to fully commit… but man once we do commit… it’ll be lights out in a month.

The issue is… things never “clear up.” Life keeps happening. Sure, some seasons are busier than others, but there will never be a day when you have an abundance of time and you are looking for ways to fill it.

Our time is our most valuable resource, and it’s also our most scarce. It’s naive to think there will be a day we no longer have to be proactive about how we spend it.

Once we accept this truth, and it is a tough pill to swallow… then we can address the next piece of flawed thinking:

"There’s no point in wasting effort if I can’t go all in and get maximal results."

Brother, almost no one goes all in. That’s a fallacy.

Nothing is wasted.

First of all, going “all in” is not required for progress. It’s not all or nothing. You can make progress, and build on that progress, with whatever amount of effort you have to give.

Secondly — it’s impossible to flip a switch and be at maximal level of intensity. All-in efforts are built on a long, slow base of consistency.

If you look at any sort of athletic preparation, whether it’s for a trail race or powerlifting meet… the intensity/peaking phase is usually very short.

Marathon training, for example, is generally 16–20 weeks — of which only around 3 of those weeks account for the peaking phase. There’s usually 12 weeks of base building before the peak, and then a week or two of taper after.

But the deeper reason we fall for the all-in fantasy isn’t just poor planning—it’s fear.

The Real Problem: Fear of Looking Dumb

I’m going to be real with you for a minute — if you’re falling prey to the fallacy of “there’s no point in trying if I can’t go all in” — it’s actually your unconscious mind protecting your ego.

Let me explain.

You’re scared of looking dumb. We can call it perfectionism, or high standards, or whatever, but at the end of the day, we’re terrified of “failing” by not executing “perfectly.” We simply can’t handle failure.

We’d rather not try than try, fail, and feel dumb.

The fear of looking dumb has killed more dreams than failing ever has.

Yet, we all know (consciously at least) that we’re not going to be perfect ever, let alone on our first attempt at something.

In other words, we know that the only way to learn and grow is to take imperfect action, learn from that, and get better at our next iteration—yet our unconscious fear keeps us from ever taking that first step.

The Reframe: Imperfect Action Compounds

My goal for today is to help you release the pressure you put on yourself to be perfect so that you begin building a base of consistent action rather than waiting for the “right time.”

Once we learn to take imperfect action and course correct, we can embody the idea that failure is part of the growth process.

Consistency compounds. Perfection paralyzes.

(We all know this logically, but likely struggle actually believing it.)

To embody this knowledge has two big benefits:

• Internal alignment (our conscious and unconscious minds are no long pulling in different directions).
  

• Speed in getting results (we can dive in without the fear of failure).
  

My Own Struggle With Consistency

And I want to point out that I’m constantly working through this myself, as well.

Sure, I’ve got a decent base of consistency at the gym, but one area I struggle in is being consistent with posting content on social media. For a virtual business that coaches clients all over the country, this is the most effective way to gain visibility with potential customers.

Yet… over the years I’ve struggled to stay consistent, allowing myself to coast off of referrals, telling myself that there’s no point in posting if I don’t get thousands of views and likes on every post.

And of course, that’s a fallacy. Posting consistently keeps momentum alive, keeps my writing skills sharp, and keeps my “virtual business card” updated.

Most of the time, I just get in my own way, worrying about looking dumb on Instagram (which sounds ridiculous to type out, but I’m being real with you).

And I know a lot of you are the same way with your workouts.

You want to avoid the discomfort of not being good at something. You don’t want to “waste” your time if you don’t think you can have the “perfect” workout due to lack of time or energy. And I get that.

But there’s no way around the base-building phase — you have to go through it.

It’s always clumsy at first, whether you’re brand new to the gym or trying to get back into it, or hell, even if you’re already doing something but want to take it to the next level.

The fact remains: growth and failure go hand in hand.

You’ve gotta stumble around a bit before you find your footing — that’s just the way it is.

Adjusting The Timeline

One of the first things I do with my clients is help them adjust their timelines.

The process often feels slow at first…but if we adhere to it…we end up going faster and further than we ever could have imagined.

To give you an idea what this looks like in practice—here’s how I break it down for my clients:

Step 1: Protein and Lifting

We start with the most impactful, lowest-friction habits: getting enough protein and lifting weights.

Protein is an easy entry point to nutrition. It doesn’t require restriction—just the discipline to get enough.

Lifting doesn’t have to be perfect. Just show up. Get familiar with the training process and my coaching style.

The questions that come up along the way? That’s where the coaching conversations happen. That’s where you learn.

Step 2: Calorie Ceiling and Steps

Once protein and lifting are rolling, we layer in the next two pieces.

A calorie ceiling builds on what you’re already tracking. No new skills—just a little more restraint.

A daily step goal requires a bit more time—but the effort is low. Just move your body more.

Step 3: Zone 2 Cardio

Now that walking is part of your routine, we elevate the intensity slightly.

A couple times per week, we shift those walks into low-intensity cardio sessions. No more time needed—just a little more intention.

This is how the basics—when followed properly—can completely transform your body in just a few months.

No overwhelm. No overhaul. Just smart progression.

Now—you can imagine how just simply eating protein and lifting 3x/week feels WAY slower and less intense than most extreme 90-day transformations.

Yet if we adjust our timeline to 6 months? It would take maybe 3 months tops to move through these stair steps…and then another 3 months of consistently executing, slowly ratcheting up intensity in the weight room and cardio.

Do you think you’d look and feel better?

What about adding another 6 months to that, bringing us to the one-year mark?

Your appearance, capabilities, habits and mindset would be completely transformed… and it never would have even felt that hard!

Bringing It Back Around

Most people overestimate what they can do in a month and underestimate what they can do in a year.

But you don’t have to fall into that trap.

The goal isn’t to go “all in.” The goal is to go “all the time.”

One workout. One walk. One meal with protein. One imperfect rep at a time. That’s how you build the base. That’s how momentum grows. That’s how you transform.

Because here’s the truth:

Consistency compounds. Perfection paralyzes.

So don’t wait for the perfect moment—make this moment the one you build on.

To Your Consistency,

The Epidemic of Eliteness

“When I was 15, I spent a month working on an archeological dig.

I was talking to one of the archeologists one day during our lunch break and he asked those kinds of “getting to know you” questions you ask young people:

Do you play sports? What’s your favorite subject?

And I told him, no I don’t play any sports. I do theater, I’m in choir, I play the violin and piano, I used to take art classes.

And he went WOW. That’s amazing!

And I said, “Oh no, but I’m not any good at ANY of them.”

And he said something then that I will never forget and which absolutely blew my mind because no one had ever said anything like it to me before:

“I don’t think being good at things is the point of doing them.

I think you’ve got all these wonderful experiences with different skills,

and that all teaches you things and makes you an interesting person,

no matter how well you do them.”

And that honestly changed my life. Because I went from a failure, someone who hadn’t been talented enough at anything to excel, to someone who did things because I enjoyed them. I had been raised in such an achievement-oriented environment, so inundated with the myth of Talent, that I thought it was only worth doing things if you could “Win” at them.”

The origins of the story are fuzzy—it’s often credited to Kurt Vonnegut—but that’s almost the point. It’s been passed around so many times because it speaks to something universal.

Why do we feel this way?

We’re living in what I call an Epidemic of Eliteness. Somewhere along the way, “excellence” got twisted from a Virtue into a pathology.

People repeat lines like “How you do one thing is how you do everything” as if it’s gospel. But it’s nonsense. I don’t approach jiu jitsu or guitar with the same intensity I bring to being a father. And I shouldn’t. We’re not meant to be flawless—we’re meant to prioritize.

The truth is, humans are limited. We trade time and energy between pursuits. You can excel in one area while being average—or even bad—in another.

And that’s not failure.

That’s life.

My goal for today is to help you shift your perspective, so that you can take pressure off yourself to have to be the best at everything, and instead give you a different (and better) lens with which to view personal excellence.

Because this pathology is crippling us mentally as a society.

You see, we’re creatures of comparison—and when we are bombarded over and over again with messages of how everyone else is richer, in better shape and their kids play for a better "elite" travel team,

it’s easy to feel like we’re falling behind.

But if you can learn to change the way that you view personal excellence, or "winning"—what you’ll see is that it’s impossible to fall behind when you’re running your own race.

Above Average At An Above Average Number of Things

I want to confess something to you—I’m not elite at anything.

Not one. single. thing.

I like to say I’m “above average at an above average number of things.”

I’ve been lifting weights for over 20 years, yet my numbers are nothing special—the world’s most OK strength stats, nothing that would turn heads.

I’ve trained jiu jitsu since 2013, and I’ve been a purple belt for eight years. For context, plenty of people earn their black belt in 8 years.

I can grind out a 15-mile trail race, but I’m still the slowest runner on my team.

So why keep showing up if I have no intention of becoming "elite" or "competitive"?

Well…

Because each pursuit called to my soul in a different way.

Each one added a piece to the puzzle of who I wanted to become.

The point was never to be elite—it was to become more complete.

And that’s the perspective shift I want you to consider: it’s not about being better than anyone else—it’s about being a better version of yourself.

And I think that’s the big perspective shift that is worth investigating.

Crafting That Vision

We’ve been conditioned for years to measure ourselves by comparison—how we stack up, who we outrank, what trophies we collect.

And while chasing “better” than others is empty, the longing underneath it is real.

It’s the desire to belong to a tribe, to be seen as capable, respected, and worthy.

So instead of letting comparison drag you down, let’s redirect it. Let’s use that same instinct as a doorway into vision.

First: Picture your circle.
Who would you want sitting around your fire—the ones you’d trust with your family, your dreams, your hardest battles?

Notice what draws you in: their calm, their strength, their curiosity. That’s your soul pointing to your values.

Then: Ask who you need to become.
What kind of man would you need to be to sit at that fire—not as a guest, but as a brother? What skills would you bring? What energy would you carry into the circle? What mindset would you embody?

This isn’t about changing yourself to fit in. It’s about using your admiration as a mirror. The people you respect reveal the kind of man you were meant to grow into.

When you do this, you’re setting the coordinates in your unconscious GPS. You’re giving yourself a North Star. And over time, almost without realizing it, you start to live into that vision—step by step, choice by choice—until one day you look around and realize: you’ve become the man you once only pictured.

Two Ways to Pursue Excellence

There are really only two ways to pursue excellence: externally measured or intrinsically driven.

Externally Measured Excellence

This is the scoreboard approach. Your success depends entirely on how you stack up against others. If you lift more weight, run faster, earn more, or look leaner than the next guy—you feel like a winner. But the moment someone surpasses you, your “confidence” evaporates.

This isn’t real confidence—it’s comparison disguised as motivation.

It creates what I call pick-me energy—the needy, desperate drive to prove yourself to the world. That energy is exhausting to live with and exhausting to be around. And worst of all? Even when you “win,” it’s empty. You’ll eventually realize that nobody cares as much as you hoped they would.

Intrinsically Driven Excellence

The alternative is intrinsic drive. Here, the scoreboard is internal. It’s not about where you rank—it’s about whether you’re living up to your own standard.

Intrinsic drive is built on two pillars: vision and stewardship.

• Vision is the ability to see who you’re capable of becoming, and letting that picture pull you forward.

• Stewardship is the responsibility to develop and use the gifts you’ve been given—not for applause, but because you owe it to yourself, your family, and your community.

With intrinsic drive, excellence is about the process—showing up, refining your craft, and stewarding your gifts, regardless of who’s watching.

Why This Matters

Intrinsic drive takes you off the treadmill of comparison and puts you in your own race—not anyone else’s.

Because just like that old story reminds us—it was never about being the best.

Excellence isn’t about winning; it’s about wholeness.

And that race is yours alone to run.

Much Love,

PS- If you want to learn how to play your own game in fitness- grab my book, MetaPhysique. I didn’t write the book to tell you the “one true way” to get in shape- I wrote it so that you can understand how to create your own plan that fits into your life.

When Hard Work Becomes a Hiding Place

If I asked whether it’s better to make decisions from data or feelings, you’d probably say data. Most people would.

But here’s the twist: one of the most celebrated qualities in our culture — “hard work” — is actually a feeling, not a fact. And because we’ve been taught to see it as the ultimate virtue, we often let that feeling (or the need to feel lie we’ve worked hard) to override our ability to make clear decisions.

Here are two problems with tying hard work to our decision-making:

1) Hard work isn’t data.
There’s no objective scale for it. It’s a perception — a feeling.

2) It gives us a place to hide when we’re unable to get results.
If we can’t get results, we often strive for validation instead. We start judging progress by how hard something feels, chasing the sensation of work instead of the reality of results.

And that creates the distorted thought pattern of:

“If I’m suffering, the plan must be working.”

The “Hard Work” Trap

Back when I owned my training studio, there was a stretch where I wasn’t sure if I could make the business work.

Margins were razor thin. I was stressed every single month about making rent.

Instead of stepping back and thinking strategically, I tried to outwork the uncertainty.

I coached extra sessions.
I constantly cleaned the gym.
I made sure people saw me operating in a visibly tired state. And people loved it — telling me what a machine I was for being at every class and keeping such a spotless facility.

And I ate up that validation.

Looking back, I can see why:

I didn’t fully believe I could pull it off.

When confidence was missing, my ego stepped in to protect itself.

I worked harder — not in the smartest ways, but in the most visible ways — so that if the business failed, no one could accuse me of being lazy.

At the time, I didn’t recognize that pattern. Now I see it clearly — and I’ve noticed the same habit in plenty of people I coach.

Can you think of a time you worked harder than you needed to — not because it was the right move, but because you wanted others to see you were trying?

What would have changed if you’d focused purely on the actions that produced results?

The problem with my approach?

That constant grind wasn’t fixing anything.

What the business really needed was a clear-headed, well-rested version of me — someone on top of his own fitness and personal growth — who could think, plan, and execute.

That version of me couldn’t exist when I was too busy performing “hard work” to prove I deserved to succeed.

And I stayed stuck. Working hard, and not making any progress.

The Real Cost

When “working hard” becomes the goal instead of the result, two things happen:

1. You can work your ass off, get applause, and still fail to get what you want.
   

2. You can get incredible results without it feeling “hard,” and sabotage yourself because you feel lazy and undeserving.

Does this mean that I’m “anti hard work” or that I’m lazy?

Maybe.

Your lens — and your level of security or insecurity — will determine how you judge these ideas.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Work is a means to an end.

We show up to put the reps in so that we can get a result.

If we turn the work into the end itself, we’re setting an incredibly low bar- and likely missing the real win.

These days, I celebrate my results.

And when things don’t go my way, I can still appreciate the growth that comes from striving.

But I don’t celebrate “hard work” just for the sake of it.

That’s pride without accountability.

What I’m trying to do is keep myself accountable for results —

and release any preconceived ideas I have about the amount of work it will take to get them.

The way I hold myself accountable is by finding traction before I pour in effort. Here’s what that looks like.

Work Smarter, Then Harder

In my book, I call this “working smarter, then harder.”

Smarter means getting traction before you turn up the effort.

And traction isn’t complicated — it’s consistent, measurable progress toward a clear goal.

Until you have that, extra effort is just noise.

The fastest way to build traction is leverage — finding the smallest action that unlocks the biggest return.

The Traction Test

Ask yourself:

Am I measuring the right metrics that actually measure progress?

Am I improving that number consistently?

Is my effort manageable and sustainable at my current pace?

If you can’t answer “yes” to all three, you don’t have traction yet — no matter how hard you’re working.

Finding Leverage in Your Training

1. Identify the bottleneck — the one weak link keeping you from progress (sleep, protein, form, etc.).

2. Choose the smallest high-impact fix — one thing you can improve this week that will improve everything else.

3. Track one number that proves it’s working — so you know it’s worth keeping.

Signs You’re Chasing the Appearance of Effort Instead of Results:

• You can describe how hard your workouts feel, but not what you’re improving.

• You add complexity to your plan more often than you simplify it.

• You feel guilty taking rest days even when you’re on track to hit your targets.

Once you have traction — you’re hitting your targets, week after week — then you throttle up the effort for a period of time.

Time For A New Perspective

If you’ve been measuring your workouts in soreness, sweat, or the feeling of hard work instead of results, it’s time to change focus.

Because here’s the truth: the world doesn’t care how hard it felt — only whether you hit the target.

The idea I want to teach you is how to separate emotion from strategy and zero in on what actually moves the needle.

Every rep, set, and ounce of effort is tied to a measurable result — not just the appearance of effort.

The more you can detach from the need to feel like you’re working hard, the freer you’ll be to focus on what truly drives your success.

Much Love,

P.S. If this resonated, you’ll love the deep dive I take on traction, leverage, and results in my book, MetaPhysique. It’s packed with strategies to break free from busywork and start getting real wins — inside and outside the gym. [Grab your copy here ]

Somewhere along the way, we were convinced that fitness is a competition.

That if we’re not going all-in, we’re falling behind.

That if we’re not shredded, grinding, tracking every macro, and training like a Navy SEAL, we’re failing.

That if we’re not elite, we’re not enough.

And man… that’s exhausting.

Because for most of us—especially those of us with families, businesses, and actual responsibilities—fitness ends up feeling like another thing on our plate.

Another thing to measure up in.
Another thing to feel behind in.
Another place to be told we’re not doing it right.

All it takes is one post from a shirtless guy saying, “We all have the same 24 hours…” and your brain spirals:

“Why can’t I figure this out?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Am I just not disciplined enough?”

But here’s the truth:

You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’ve just been handed the wrong frame.

Fitness media has sold the lie that it’s all-or-nothing—that you either crush it or you’re wasting your time.

That’s the same garbage that gave us lines like, “How you do one thing is how you do everything.”

Sounds cool. Makes you look super smart and together on social media.

But it’s total BS.

Because in real life, you don’t approach everything with the same intensity.

I hope to God that your fantasy football team doesn’t get the same effort you give your marriage.

You don’t put the same planning into weekend chores that you put into your business strategy.

That’s not weakness. That’s called being a grown-up with priorities.

So here’s the reframe:

There are three ways fitness can show up in your life:

• As a burden — when it’s driven by shame, guilt, or fear of falling behind

• As a badge — when it’s about ego, identity, or external validation

• As a tool — when it supports your energy, confidence, and ability to show up for what matters

Only one of those actually makes your life better.
Only one is sustainable.
Only one puts you in control.

Fitness doesn’t have to be the thing you obsess over. It just has to serve your life.

That’s it.

You don’t need to live like a monk or be the top 1% in the gym.

There are plenty of incredible men out there—

providing for their families, raising strong kids, making an impact—

who don’t do Hyrox, run club or look like a fitness model.

And you know what?

There are also plenty of dudes with six-packs and nothing else going for them.

So the question becomes:

How do YOU want to use fitness?

That’s not a rhetorical question.

You get to decide what’s worth your time, your energy, and your attention.

For me?

I lift, I run, I do jiu-jitsu. I track my food sometimes.

That’s a decent amount of time and effort to invest. But honestly, it doesn’t feel that way to me.

Because I like it.

Because I’m curious. Because I teach this for a living and want learn as much as I can.

Because it’s fun for me.

It’s not a grind. It’s not a punishment. It’s aligned.

And I fully recognize that not everyone wants to spend the time on fitness that I do.

That doesn’t make them lesser. It just means they’re choosing to pursue their potential in other ways.

I say this all the time:

I’m not here to be your guru.

I’m here to be your guide.

A guide doesn’t have all the answers.

A guide knows how to ask the right questions—so you can get clear on what matters to you.

My job is to help you cut through the noise, define your version of success, and build a path that aligns with your life, your values, and your season.

Because fitness isn’t something you win at.

It’s something you use.

So use it to build the life you actually want.

That’s the whole game.

Here’s something to think about:

Where is fitness currently a burden or a badge in your life?

What would it look like if it became a tool?

However you choose to use fitness, just make sure it supports the life you actually want—not the one someone else thinks you should chase.

You’re allowed to do it differently.

Much love,

PS- If this kind of guidance resonates with you, I wrote a full breakdown of what it’s like to work with me 1-on-1.

You’ll get the details, the philosophy, and whether it’s a good fit for your goals.

👉 Click here to read what it’s like to work together.

"You’ve Changed."

It’s just two words.

But when someone says it — especially someone close — it can feel like a gut punch.

What they really mean is:

"You're not who you used to be, and I liked that version better."

It’s rarely a compliment.

It’s a subtle protest.

And for a lot of us, it’s one of the reasons we hesitate to change at all.

The Fear Behind Growth

One of the biggest invisible forces that holds us back from growing is the fear of becoming someone new in front of people who knew the old us.

• Maybe you're starting a health journey.

• Maybe you're building discipline.

• Maybe you're just reclaiming a part of yourself you’ve lost.

And suddenly… the people around you feel uncomfortable.

“You’ve changed” sounds like an observation.
But underneath, it’s often fear.

Because when you grow, it challenges them:

1. It shines a light on where they’re not growing.

2. It disrupts the balance of the relationship.

Even though it’s rarely conscious, the result is very real friction.

Where It Hits the Hardest: Your Marriage

Growth friction shows up in all kinds of relationships — friends, coworkers, family — but it’s the most intense in your marriage.

And it goes both ways:

• When a wife starts improving herself — eating better, getting in shape, building confidence — the husband might quietly panic:

  “She’s going to get attention. What if I’m not good enough anymore?”

• When a husband starts reclaiming his energy, time, or health — maybe through fitness or hobbies — the wife might feel irritated or left behind.
  There is often resentment, even if she doesn’t fully understand why.

This isn’t about one partner being “bad.”

It’s about how change in you alters the ecosystem of your relationship.

And I’ve lived this.

When I started training jiu jitsu, I felt ALIVE.

It wasn’t just about getting in shape- I was already fit.

It wasn’t even about being a tough guy- I was getting my ass kicked on the regular at that point.

It was about reclaiming something I didn’t know I was missing.

But I could tell something shifted with Angie.

She wasn’t mad.

She didn’t criticize.

But there was a tension I couldn’t ignore.

Eventually, she told me what was really going on:

“It felt like because you had this new thing… I was supposed to have one too.

Like your growth was shining a light on the places I wasn’t growing.

And suddenly, I felt behind — or like you expected more from me.”

That wasn’t what I wanted at all.

I just wanted her to be happy for me — because for the first time in a long time, I had something that felt meaningful.

But I had never explained why it mattered.

And that led to a deeper conversation — one that cracked me open.

I told her the truth:

I was quietly going through some shit. At 29 years old…I still felt like a child.

Even though I had spent years doing the “right things” — working out, starting a business, being responsible —

I still didn’t respect myself as a man.

Lifting weights felt good… but also kind of shallow.

I didn’t want to just be in shape. I wanted to be capable.

I wanted our future kids to think, “My dad is a savage.”

I didn’t want to be the guy on the sidelines — I wanted to be in the arena.

And jiu jitsu gave me that.

It gave me a skill thatI could pass down to my kids…

Something I never had growing up, but desperately craved.

That conversation changed everything.

Once she understood the why, the energy between us shifted.

She saw this wasn’t a selfish phase — it was a mission to become someone I could respect.

Someone we could both be proud of.

How To Grow Without Blowing Up Your Relationship

Here’s how to grow into your next level without losing connection with the people you love:

1. Sell Yourself First

Before you explain your goals to anyone else — make sure you’re clear.

• Why does this matter to you?

• Why now?

• What’s at stake if you don’t change?

“If you can’t explain it clearly to yourself,
you’ll never explain it clearly to someone else.”

And if you can’t communicate it clearly, your loved ones will assume this is just another phase — and treat it like one.

2. Share Your Vision

Once you're grounded in your why, communicate it.

• What are you doing?

• Why is it important?

• How will it make you a better partner, parent, or human?

You’re not asking for permission. 

You’re inviting them to understand.

The clearer your vision, the less threatened they’ll feel.

3. Set Expectations (Not Demands)

Let them know what will change — and what won’t.

• How will your schedule shift?

• What kind of support will you need from them?

• How will you continue showing up for the relationship?

This reduces surprise — and surprise is what makes change feel threatening.

4. Ask How You Can Support Them

This creates emotional safety.

Let them know:

“Even as I’m growing, I’m still here.
I still care about your experience in this too.”

5. STFU and Lead by Example

Don’t preach.

Don’t sell your new lifestyle.

Don’t become a walking TED Talk before you’ve lived the journey or achieved any meaningful results.

Just show up consistently. Let the results speak for themselves.

People rarely resist your growth.
They resist how it changes their world — unless you bring them along with clarity, empathy, and action.

Have You Felt This Tension?

Maybe you’ve never said it out loud.

Maybe you didn’t even realize it until just now…

But some part of you has hesitated to go all in —

Not because you don’t want it…

but because deep down, you’ve wondered what it might do to your relationship.

That quiet fear — the one that says

“What if this makes things harder at home?” —

It’s more common than you think.

And if that’s what’s been holding you back… you’re not alone.

With MetaPhysique Coaching, this kind of emotionally intelligent guidance is part of the process.

Yes, we’ll dial in your training and nutrition.

But we’ll also help you integrate it into the life you’re actually living —

which includes navigating the relationships that matter most.

If you’re ready to grow in a way that aligns with your life —

not at the expense of it —

👉 [Fill out this short form], and I’ll personally reach out to see if it’s a good fit.

To Your Growth,

Last week, I wrote about a specific kind of insecurity—the one that whispers:
“How strong should I be?”
“How fast?”
“How fit is fit enough to feel confident in my body?”

I shared how those questions keep us stuck—because they’re rooted in external validation.

And how the way forward isn’t about chasing the next impressive number…

It’s about becoming someone you respect.

That resonated with a lot of you. But it also sparked a fair question:

“Okay, I get the philosophy… but what does this actually look like in real life?”

So that’s what I want to show you today.

The Real Problem Isn’t Information—It’s Integration

Most men don’t need more tips.

They need a way to put those tips to work.

They’ve got tactics—HIIT, dropsets, intermittent fasting—you name it.

They’ve got tools—kettlebells, TRX straps, cold plunges, apps that track everything.

What they don’t have is a system that actually fits their life and allows for consistent execution.

And that’s because they’ve started in the wrong spot.

The best tool or tactic won’t do a thing if it’s not part of a strategy.

And a strategy won’t work if it isn’t rooted in principles.

When your plan lacks alignment, you'll be perpetually frustrated.

You’ll be putting in work, but never feeling like you get traction.

And when that happens… consistency goes out the window.

That’s why I build everything top-down:
Philosophy → Principles → Strategy → Tactics → Tools

Let me break that down real quick:

• Philosophy is the big picture—your identity, your mission, your purpose.

• Principles are the rules that uphold that philosophy—the things that always work, and always matter.

• Strategy is how you apply those principles in your real life.

• Tactics are the specific methods—training splits, meal timing, cardio protocols.

• Tools are the support pieces—apps, supplements, wearables, tracking systems.

But here’s the thing…

When you’re deep in day-to-day life—business, family, fatigue—you don’t always have time to zoom out and run the full model.

Sometimes, you just need a compass.

That’s where this comes in:

WHO → WHAT → HOW
A simpler way to stay aligned.

• WHO = Philosophy
  Who are you becoming? Understanding the kind of person that you want to grow into sets the overall direction.

• WHAT = Principles
  What do you need to do to align with that identity? What milestones will prove that you're moving in the right direction?

• HOW = Strategy → Tactics → Tools
  How do you make it real in a way that fits your actual life?

It’s not a separate system. It’s a shortcut to make sure your daily choices support the big picture.

Here’s how I run the WHO–WHAT–HOW in my own life and training.

WHO

Here's what I know: I want to be a well-rounded person—confident, compassionate, engaged in life.

And I want that well-roundedness to spill over into my fitness, too. I want fitness to be a part of my bigger identity, not my entire identity.

I want to be jacked, strong, athletic, and capable…but also…

I'm not super competitive. I don't have the drive to be the best at any one thing.

I simply want to be confident in my capabilities and look the part.

WHAT

We can take that well-roundedness and break it down into several categories, assigning KPIs to each.

Knowing where I stand allows me to track my progress—and shows me where to put in more effort if I’m lagging.

Jacked:

• I’ll measure shoulder-to-waist ratio.

• If this ratio is moving toward 1.61, I’m on track.

• We could get more specific, but this is my primary KPI.

Strong:
I don’t need powerlifter numbers. If I can hit the following, I’ll be strong enough for life:

• Deadlift 2× my bodyweight

• Bench press 1.5× my bodyweight

• 30 consecutive push-ups

• 10 dead-hang pull-ups

Athletic:
Harder to define, but I break it into mobility and power.

Mobility Benchmarks:

• Squat until hamstrings touch calves

• Touch my toes from standing

• Reach between my shoulder blades with both hands

Power Benchmarks:

• Clean a pair of 32kg kettlebells

• Box jump to a height near half my body height

• Broad jump my own height

• Sprint 50 yards for multiple rounds without hurting myself

HOW

For this section, I’m talking strategy, not specific tools (that’s a job for another day, or perhaps a podcast).

I break the year into 12–16 week phases.

Each phase emphasizes 1–2 qualities while maintaining the rest.

Phase 1 – Athleticism

Focus: Joint mobility, stability, coordination, and power.

I may spend up to 30 minutes per session here.

The rest of the session is minimum-effective work to maintain strength, size, and aerobic health.

Phase 2 – Getting JACKED

Whether I’m building size or getting lean, I train for hypertrophy—maximum muscle growth.

This takes volume—lots of sets per muscle group.

• Start with 3 hypertrophy sessions/week and increase to 4 as needed.

• Cardio drops to 2–3 easy walks/week to maintain aerobic base.

• “Primers” (my warm-ups) maintain movement quality.

• Strength holds steady from hard lifting, just in higher rep ranges (8+ instead of 3–5).

Phase 3 – Strength

This phase is all about intensity—more weight, fewer sets.

• 3 lifting sessions/week focusing on deadlift, bench, squat, pull-ups.

• 2–3 easy cardio sessions won't interfere with recovery.

• Primers keep my athleticism sharp.

Phase 4 – Endurance

Building endurance takes time and volume.

• Lifting drops to the bare minimum for maintenance.

• More time goes to running, biking, or swimming.

• Mobility and power are maintained via warm-ups on lifting and cardio days.

Why It Works

The plan matches what I want.

I’m no longer trying to keep up with anyone else’s standards.

I work on what matters to me, at a level that reflects the vision I have for my life.

WHO → WHAT → HOW
That’s how you turn values into visible results—without losing yourself in the process.

Want Help?

If you’re tired of trying to retrofit someone else’s plan into your already full life…

And you’re ready to build something that reflects your values, schedule, and goals—

Just hit reply.
I’ll help you get clear on your WHO, define your WHAT, and design a HOW that actually works.

Talk soon,
Paul

If you’re a person—and you’re honest with yourself—you’ve probably wrestled with this:

“Am I enough?”

Not exactly dinner party conversation, I know It's not cool to sit here and talk about insecurities- nobody wants to do that…

but it's part of the human experience.

And if we want to live with confidence, we have to go there.

So today, I want to zoom in on a specific version of this insecurity—one that a lot of men carry quietly:

“How strong should I be?”
“How fast?”
“How fit is ‘fit enough’ to feel confident in my body?”

Those questions feel important.

But they’re not the right questions.

And if you keep asking them, you’ll stay stuck.

Let me explain.

Last week, I shared a counterintuitive idea:

Tradeoffs are what set you free.

That probably sounded backwards—because most of us grew up thinking freedom means doing whatever you want, whenever you want.

No restrictions.

No obligations.

No responsibilities.

Sounds great, right?

But that fantasy version of freedom?

It’s keeping you miserable.